can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
