she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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