what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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