I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
