I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
