Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
