**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
