Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
