She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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