The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
