Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
