There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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