Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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