Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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