I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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