apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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