Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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