Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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