What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
