What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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