I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
