you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
