Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We had to coat check the pizza.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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