I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
