i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?