Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
