plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you didnt know i had herpes?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
