He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
