You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
