Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
