I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
