fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
