I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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