We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
