He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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