this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
