Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
