pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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