So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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