Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
