Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
