Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
