..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm getting married
To pizza
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
