The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
