how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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