You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
did i just pee glitter
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
