dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ttyl tear gas
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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