We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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