How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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