so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In America we eat man semen.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
