Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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