HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
