i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm really busy with my period
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