alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
