We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
