hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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