An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
