remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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