I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
