hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
