oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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