Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
