I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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