Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
