It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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