I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
