I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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