Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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