I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
