So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
