I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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