I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
