i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
