My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
