Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
