allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
