then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
