matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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