I seem to have left my pride at pride
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
