i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
