Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
