my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
