It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
