No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Never underestimate the power of titties
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
