i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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